1. |
The Aching
03:05
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Take my trembling hand
Jesus, I'm an awful mess, I really am
I've dreamed, but LORD I ran
And I don't want to dream outside Your love again
Look away from me
I didn't take my pills today, I need to sleep
Dark is my valley
A slow descent with selfish bent; am I too deep?
Or just not complete?
Child, that sun you've seen
It burns as brightly now where you can barely see
Glow of moon through night defiantly
Soli Deo everlasting glory!
The aching isn't aimless
Tell your story
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2. |
Fall, Sky
04:08
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My whole neighborhood’s becoming a ghost town
Every adventure, every place where we fell down
These little deaths spare no expense
But there’s no funeral to mourn what we've lost now
We grow our roots in sinking sand
Distraught as time destroys our plans
So what can I do now but lift my hands?
When the sky starts falling down
I’ll never see the Son the same way again
Where else would I go?
Grower, plant Your seed
Grower, plant Your seed
I don’t know what else to say
It can be so hard to love
When the world moves faster than I do
The problem’s not that I am so afraid of pain and death
I’m just not afraid enough of You
Strange how control tends to take my courage
Shake the earth
I want to trust You, come what may
The anxiety I feel can’t add a second to my life
But I know it’s taken years away
When the sky starts falling down
I’ll never see the Son the same way again
Where else would I go?
When the sky starts falling
I’ll be more in love than I had ever been
Where else would I go?
I know that we are hopeless
In a strictly flesh and bone sense
You say You’re by my side and You love me
So there’s no point in dwelling on the suspense
And though I want to evacuate this place
I’ll keep waiting out
Waiting out every coming storm to know
I’ve nowhere else to go apart from You
Singing, “That storm is a monster
But from here it’s such a beautiful view”
Screaming, “Let the cloud consume me
Let it strip me bare of all that isn’t true”
All that isn’t You
When the sky starts falling down
I’ll never see the Son the same way again
Where else would I go?
When the sky starts falling
I’ll be more in love than I had ever been
That’s all that I know
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3. |
Inside My Shadow
02:31
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Failure is an awful thing
Have I lost the strength to sing
Songs that point my friends toward peace?
Servant in despondent slough
Sinks into the sadness now
(I don’t know how I got here)
I fall asleep inside my shadow
And I don’t know how to get home
So I glamorize the darkness and say,
“This is how I’ll be known”
But I really want to get home
“Take responsibility”
Have I the ability?
It’s easier to be a victim
My mind’s a shadow
My body’s a lost hope
But faith is the substance of a hope that’s still unseen
I can’t see what I believe
But I won’t grieve
I still believe You
I fall asleep inside my shadow
But I’m done pretending I’m alone
And if this body keeps on fading
I won’t fall away
I won’t
I’ll keep on until I get home
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4. |
Tax Day (Blessed Be)
03:37
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What good does it do
To curse Your name
In response to a cursed world?
As if the world and You
Were both the same
Leaving me nowhere to go
In a cursed world
So I looked at
All this madness
And in gladness
I sang:
Blessed be Your name!
You’re the only Light
I have ever found
To fuel my race in a tired world
You’re all things giving life
And Your fullness resounds
That much louder inside
Of an empty world
So I looked at
All this madness
And in gladness
I sang:
Blessed be Your name!
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5. |
Homebody
04:55
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I think I’m one less Savior away from certain death
If I’d no hope beyond this moment, I’d abandon my breath
I’ve nowhere else to run to
And nothing soothes my aching hands
My shores have all eroded and You’re the only house that still stands
And I am holding on to the promise of a definitive dawn
I’m a homebody
Eyes set forward to an endless hope
I’m a homebody
And You’re my only stretch of rope
For every hole I fall into
I cling to You
I’m a homebody
I’m just looking to home
Just looking
I know I’ve reached my end to find the start of You
And You can sympathize with every hole I fall into
I’m tired of being tired
I’m sad that I’ve been sad
In all my double-mindedness, You’re the only clarity I’ve had
Make me one
Make me glad
I’m a homebody
There’s no comfort in my comforts
I’m a homebody
Still becoming while I still hurt
LORD, I want to sing my perfect song
How long?
How long?
I’m a homebody
I just want to be home
I just want to be
He Who lowered His hand
Will complete what He began
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6. |
Alone*
04:17
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I’m getting sick of waking up with no one in my bed
Writing down what’s in my heart just to get out of my head
I go to the coffeehouse, pray I don’t see someone I know
I don’t want them to pity me for all the time I spend alone
And I’ve been trying to find my peace
But nothing feels like home
And this is the place I’m most afraid of
But this is where I always am
I’m getting sick of numbness, it’s so hard to feel a thing
Like I might as well be gone, like there’s nothing left to sing
I cling to every helper who surrounds me on my way
Don’t leave me on my own, don’t let me lead me astray
But the dread will fill my bones
When there’s nothing left to say
And this is the place I’m most afraid of
But this is where I always am
Jesus, when Your own are weeping in the dark
Why do You keep them in this foreign land?
You know what it’s like
To reach out
With a God-forsaken hand
That’s a pain that I
Will never know about
So I know You that you must understand
That’s a love I
Will never be without
Lord, make me alone till I love again
Be still...
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7. |
Don't Be Shaken
05:03
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Oh my soul, be still
You’re free
Why can’t I rest?
Why can’t I sleep?
If I’ve been born a second time
Why do I seek to never find?
How can I survive myself
Given all that I’ve become?
After all my wasted years
Will You see my face and run
My way as I burst into tears
And embrace Your shaking son?
Oh my God, what love for me
There in Your arms to always be
Grace be my melody
Come make me strong
Lifting my head, I hear Your song:
How can you survive yourself
Given all that you have done?
After all your wasted years
I have seen your face and run
Your way as I burst into tears
Come My broken, beloved son
And You hold me together
And You hold me still
And You hold me forever
And You hold me, still
(My sin—o the bliss of this glorious thought!—
My sin, not in part, but the whole
Is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more
Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord, o my soul!)
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8. |
Life Noise
03:51
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I need to be honest, there’s a part of me that dies
For every sin and sadness I’m confessing
A ninety-minute reel of all the sorrow in my life
Depression magically turned into blessing
But all I am aware of is that I’m so self-aware
And I beat myself up for being self-abasing
I thank You for my new heart, but it’s still so dark in there
And how much of the mess are You replacing?
And I need You, Lord
Cut through all the noise
Of my mind
I write out of weakness so I can’t hide that I’m weak
As much as I want to be a safe haven
How can I be brave enough to sing what I don’t speak?
They’d know my insecurities and shame, then
Like sometimes I wish I could have a manly singing voice
Or the slightest bit of interest in hunting
It’s not that I think either one makes me more of a man
I just want all my friends to think I’m something
And I need You, Lord
Cut through all the noise
Of my life
Will You still sing through me when no one cares enough to listen?
Will You still speak through me when I can’t listen to myself?
Won’t You crush this singer-savior complex?
Bind it in the truth that I don’t need them to need me
God, I need them to need You
Like I need You, Lord
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9. |
Kalmar's Song
04:41
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Maker, please
Is there still time for redemption?
She still sings
And I can hear her words echo through my heart
I sang them back to keep from being torn apart
But it changed the structure of my very bones
A wolf surfaces from the seeds I’ve sown
Like some twisted inversion of spring, it grows
I cannot run, I cannot rise above
I was a son
Oh! I was king and I was loved!
Someone, please!
Someone please change me back
I can’t leave
I can’t leave everything I lack
I wear it on my body now
Fur and fangs and claws come out
My own brother might become a crime scene
Everyone just keep away from me
Just keep away from me
Just keep away from me
Did you see the cloven
Did you tend to his wounds?
Would you have had compassion if you’d not known the tomb?
I know your heart is fraught with fear and violent shame
Still royal blood abides in there
Remember your name
What you see in the mirror is a temporal skin
And greater is the Maker than the monster within
4am, the chicken pen, the blood in your fangs
He saw and knew you even then
Your path is the same
And home cannot be redefined, whatever you bring
His kingdom isn’t fazed by you, so you’re still a king
We all are heirs and monsters in the tempter’s wake
But God will make a flourish of whatever he breaks
Remember your name
Remember your name
Remember your name
Remember your name
Behold, the Maker’s greatest pleasure!
You are loved beyond all measure
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10. |
Lifted
00:32
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11. |
On Fallen Things
03:12
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Take my strength
It’s running out, running out
Take my bones
They’re broken now, broken now
Take my fight
As darkness and death surround
I’m alright
I’m calming down, coming down
Take my flesh
My soul is found, solace found
Take my comforts
I will not make a sound
Take my throne
And burn the crown, burn the crown
Take my home
It’s burning down, burning down
When it goes
I’m not around, not around
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12. |
Shaping Season
05:29
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Okay
He's bottled every tear I’ll cry
The torturous drive, the blessed words:
“No matter what happens, you will be alright”
This terrifying night won’t pass me by
But all around me screams I will survive
Grace will find your heart intact
You will get your joy back
Brothers, mourn the cursed black
We will sing the song back
There is not a hole too deep for us
And like a stretch of rope
He reaches to the depths of us
And yanks us into hope
On the tenth day of the first month
We laid a memorial stone
Look back on the river He stopped
Look ahead to where He’s made our home
Life’s a middle chapter
Break for what’s before
Ache for what’s after
Just breathe
Rehearse that rest you’ve known
When sins or sorrows
Still the hand of joy
Remember you are owned
Grace will find your heart intact
You will get your joy back
Brothers, mourn the cursed black
We will sing the song back
When a dark storm come
And hopeless thoughts attack
Think of all you don’t lack
What’s your name?
Say it back
Your story’s not over
Your story’s never over
And when this adventure’s done
It's just the start of a perfect, never-ending kind of one
There is not a hole too deep for us
And like a stretch of rope
He reaches to the depths of us
And yanks us into hope
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13. |
Nosebleed
03:23
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Look at the Jackson County sky
The sun has gone down but it still hasn’t died
I’m writing in the company of friends:
“Sing a song of salvation, I think it’s all ending"
Where is goodness in the night?
My buddy came back from Nepal
Compared the fallout from the Fall
Atlanta has its share of evil spirits
Just read the statistics
We say we don’t hear it
But we’re not removed at all
Get help
Better country
I long to see
All this made right
Nauseous, no sight
So now, dear saints
Lock arms, I’ve chased
Too many ghosts while I writhe in the womb
Running from an empty tomb
And if I have a nosebleed over coffee
Will you be my mirror?
Tell me where to get clean
He said, “Fear not what this season may bring
And as for goodness, we’ve been given all things”
Lead me to water
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